My entire life, much as many others has always been a journey of one event to another. There are many ways to approach these journeys, I have chosen to take these journeys independently. Dont get me wrong, I have some absolutely amazing friends, but for some reason, taking these major journeys alone has always made me feel so good. Like I could do it all alone and I didn't need to rely on anyone. Thats a great feeling to have. But for 31 years anytime I have been faced with a serious adversity I hid myself in a shell far away from anyone that could and would be willing to help me. In the meantime pushing away people that really mean well and would probably be amazing for me, and protecting myself from people that would hurt me, no matter what the cost. Im a huge believer that everything happens for a reason and that your life will fall into place, pretty much just about the time its suppose too. So the fact that im having these feelings now, lets me know its right.
What good is riding a roller coaster if you have no one to hysterically giggle with the whole time?
Over the last several months I entered a journey that changed the way I will travel this life forever. Tomorrow will be the last journey I take "Independently" as I will have conquered enough adversities to set my mind at ease in this world and am ready to move forward, interdependently with someone I can share everything with, Ive had so many amazing journeys over the last several years with some amazing friends, but the most amazing journeys I see are the ones being taken by the people that love each other. Keeping things to yourself and living independently from another is a struggle day to day as we all yearn to share our experiences with others. I dont know who this person will be, but for the first time in my life Im open to the idea.
I was recently watching the movie "What dreams may come" it has always been one of my favorite movies. Its the ultimate love/family/adventure movie of all time, if you haven't seen it, its artistic genius and I highly recommend it. Point being, the lengths that Robin Williams goes for love in this movie really got me thinking. Coupled with some very life changing events that have transpired in my own life over the last 2 months, I decided mid movie...I want that. I want to find someone that I would travel to the depths of hell and beyond to rescue, no questions, no doubts, no fears, just pure passion and raw feeling so strong that no adversity would keep me away. See, I crave love like every other person in this world. Too assume that someone would never want anything deeper would seem the perfect make up for a miserable existence. Im not saying that certain people aren't better off alone, but I can tell you one thing, I'm not one of them. Im not a man of resolutions because I believe they enable you to procrastinate, so Im not making it a resolution , im just gonna let the walls down and see where it goes. After so many years of wondering what we are here for, it seems to make so much sense now. I truly believe that the ultimate freedom in this life is not to live free alone, but free of worry interdependently with another.
When I walk into a room the first people I see are the happy ones, not the ones alone, but the ones staring into the eyes of their lover. Single is great at times, but I dont wanna be single at 67 years old. This life is meant to be shared with someone, someone that matters and accepts you for who you are and what you are, at all times. I think the hardest thing is actually letting someone in that door and expecting them not to rip your heart out. It took me years to recover from my first heartbreak and I broke lots of hearts in the process, I guess thats just life. You search and you search and one day it hits you, this is the one, or this is the time to let someone in. Life is all about tests so what makes love any different? 1-5-11 I wrote my first blog on this subject ( http://bignatx-notgivingup.blogspot.com/ and scroll down ) I told myself Id never give up. Now more than ever I feel it raging inside. Im ready to reach for the same brush, with the same lover, and in 30 years be able to stand back and look at the wonders we have created together, interdependently as one.
